Is this normal, or do we call someone?
The question every new family asks. Short, honest answers with their sources, and a clear line for when to ask for help.
Watch the pet, not the calendar
A new pet is settling in when they're calm, eating regularly and starting to explore.
Sources: San Francisco Humane Society · Humane Colorado · Adopt-a-Pet
What families ask
Our new cat has been under the bed for two days.
That can be normal. Hiding is how many cats cope with a new place. Don't pull them out or block the spot; keep the room quiet and let them choose. If they aren't eating at all, call your vet early.
Source: International Cat Care
How long should a new cat stay in one room?
There's no fixed number. One shelter guide asks for at least two weeks and says a month is not unusual, especially with other pets, and that it's up to the cat. Many shelters open up the house once a cat is calm and eating regularly; watch for exploring too.
Source: HAWS · San Francisco Humane Society
Our cat stopped using the litter box.
A vet visit comes first: Best Friends calls it the first step. Then check the basics: one box per cat plus one extra, scooped every day, well away from food. Never punish.
Source: Best Friends Animal Society · ASPCA
Our cat swats when we pet them.
Often it means "enough." Watch for a thrashing tail, ears turning back or rippling skin along the back, and stop. Touch the cheeks, chin and head for about three seconds, then pause to see if they want more.
Source: International Cat Care: handling · International Cat Care: interaction
Our new cat barely ate on the first day. Is that normal?
Often, yes. Some frightened cats don't want to eat at first; a little wet food may tempt them. Keep food and water in the safe room, away from the litter box. Call your vet if your cat isn't drinking or using the litter box, or isn't eating at all. A cat that eats little or nothing for several days can become seriously ill, so call early rather than wait.
Source: Humane Society of the Hudson Valley · Found Animals · VCA: fatty liver syndrome in cats
Our kids want to pick up and cuddle the new cat. Can they?
No, and that's okay: in our family, children never pick up a cat. Instead, they let the cat come to them. Cats don't like being grabbed, and being picked up takes away their choice. Children sit still with their hands in their laps; if the cat comes over, that's a hello, and only a grown-up pets the cat. A grown-up is there every time. More in Kids and the new cat.
Source: Cats Protection · International Cat Care: interaction · CDC
Our new dog barely ate the first day.
Some dogs don't feel like eating for the first day or two in a new home. Be patient and keep things quiet. If you're worried, or anything else seems wrong, call your vet or the shelter.
Source: Maddie's Fund
Is the 3-3-3 rule real?
It's a rule of thumb, not research. In one 2025 study of rescue dog owners, more than half said settling in took four months or more. Watch the dog, not the calendar.
Source: AKC · Moyer 2025
Our kids want to hug the new dog.
Hugging, kissing and squealing can make dogs nervous. Let the dog come to the child, let a grown-up decide when it's time to pet, and keep a grown-up within arm's reach. For grown-ups: the chest, shoulder or side, not the head or face.
Source: Fear Free Happy Homes: bringing a dog home · Fear Free Happy Homes: greeting a dog
It feels harder than we expected.
You're not alone. In one Finnish survey of puppy owners, 45% reported significant negative feelings during puppyhood. Share the jobs, and ask for help early: that is what good owners do.
Source: npj Mental Health Research, 2024
When to ask for help
Your vet first for anything to do with health, including a pet who isn't eating at all, vomiting, diarrhea, a pet who seems weak or listless, or a change in litter or toilet habits. Then a reward-based trainer or a certified behavior consultant for worries that don't ease over the first weeks. Asking early is what good owners do.
General information, not veterinary advice.